Forgiveness

This post should be done in early November.

Recently, I just had the burden in my heart to step out of my fear and ask for forgiveness of formal church co-worker. God confirmed it with Luke 6:27-28, “But I say to you who hear: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you”. I initiated few attempts of reconciliation in the past and these were rejected. I dread of facing another rejection. But the nudge for reconciliation has persisted for a long time. I have prayed for this person and for the reconciliation for a very long time (more than 1 year). To me, it is more difficult to ask for forgiveness than to command legs to grow in His name.

Luke 6:27-28 was the Bible verse to memorize during the last week's 4th grade Sunday school. I asked the kids in the class to apply the words in our daily life; I know that I need to do the same.

It was a Thursday, I dialed #, the other side picked up after few rings. My heart was racing. My husband was praying sitting next to me. His presence gave me a lot of encouragement. Right now, I am blessed with ‘two is better than one’. After brief exchange of greetings, I went to ask for forgiveness on my previous wrong doings that hurt this person. To my surprise, this person stated that past has been forgotten and has moved on with new ministry. I knew in my spirit that forgiveness has not occurred in this person’s heart. But, it is a very good start to verbally confess it. Forgiveness is a process. It takes time from recognizing the need to ask for forgiveness to taking the courage to do it. God has worked in my heart through this process, from anger, bitter, dreams, prayer, waiting, … and slowly, I start to see this person in the ways that God sees. 'Oh, I should not have been so direct with my words before'. Sometimes, the fear of rejection is overwhelming, then, Holy Spirit would remind me, what do you want it to be when you face Jesus right now? Still hold grudges against some parts of His body? I hear from Jesus, 'my child, you have not forgiving, there is a visible spot in your bridal garment.' What else to say, God, I want my wedding garment to be white and pure white without any blemish.

Next week, I can boldly and confidently tell the 4th graders: “I did it”. It is a such good feeling for being free!